She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
