I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize