Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
