i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
