The best revenge is premature balding
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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