I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
