I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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