Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
