I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
