Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
