stop calling my apartment porn island.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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