I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize