Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
