Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
