oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
