I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
