No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
