Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize