I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
