I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
