He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
