it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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