the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize