you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
