I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
