in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
