piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
