I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
