you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
