Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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