Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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