i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
