9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
