It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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