Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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