Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
