Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
