Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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