so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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