Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize