mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You left your phone here
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