Soap is not a condiment
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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