You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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