I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
