Soap is not a condiment
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
