what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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