I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
