gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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