just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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