I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
