id be glad to
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
