He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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