for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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