which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
