oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
now i know why i became what i already was.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
