Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
