I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i think my cat just said my name.
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