Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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