Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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