Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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