and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
