he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize