hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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