I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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