Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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