Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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