Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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