your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
