What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
