dude i'm inner monologue high
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
