people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
