pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
