dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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