I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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