His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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