Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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