I feel like abortions should bother me more
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
