so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
