Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
