i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
