Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
