Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
