so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
