So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
