Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
