So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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