I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We need to get me chipped asap
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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