You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
