If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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