There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
two words: eviction party
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
