I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
