I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
