Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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