and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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