You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize